i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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