john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
