I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
