hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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