I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
