Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
