just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
