Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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