I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
