Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
