my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
