Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
