What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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