Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
