Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
