note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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