God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
birth control should be required to get into college
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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