some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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