Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
