K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
