are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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