i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
