I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
