piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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