i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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