Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
