right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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