So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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