I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
