i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
