Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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