Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
