I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize