she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
