I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
