Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
