Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
