very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
