Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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