if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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