I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize