every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
