dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
