come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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