I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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