it glows. i had to have it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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