I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
