i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
