you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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