First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
