1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
