Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
