Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
