porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
