i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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