I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
