While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
