No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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