I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
