I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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