What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
