wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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