Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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