And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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