The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize