Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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