I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
