i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
