every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
not ubering you a puppy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
