remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
where are my pants?
in the oven.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
