I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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