Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
